Monday, December 28, 2009

cloud thoughts

i set my head upon a cloud
of crimson dreams and purple thoughts
and lay awhile and thought aloud
of happiness and what it brought.
of what it takes
to mend heartaches
and bury your love into golden sand
and watch as it crumbles into dust
and melts away right from your hand
and wondered why
you just cant see
the golden bursts your thoughts could be
the unicorns and fireflies
that flitter away from faithless eyes...
so set your head down on a cloud,
listen, as i think aloud
let your heart run away with the sea,
and find out,
what happiness could be.

sometimes when i see you i just feel like telling how much i love you
but i never manage to say it out loud
i always just smile and hope you understand
hope that you feel it too
hope that the crinkle around your eyes means the same thing.
sometimes i could burst with loving you
so i say something that you laugh at
and hope that your laugh means that you love me too
i try putting it in words sometimes, but it never really works
i keep calling you things; fireworks, woodland creatures,
but really, its because i love you more than you will ever know,
and i dont know how to explain that to anyone.
noone wants to listen anyway,
but i'll tell myself
over and over
and know
that someday,
you'll know too.

suprise

silver ribbon-wrapped surprise
hidden under the corner of the tree.
rainbow light sparkling from your eyes
twinkling closer and closer to me.
do you know how beautiful you are?
with your green apple smile
and raspberry eyes?
my bursting firework, twinkling star,
Christmas ribbon-wrapped surprise.


Saturday, December 26, 2009

nandinii

She's so beautiful,

As she lies awkwardly curled into restless sleep.

She twists strangely

And scrunches up her eyes,

Only to fall asleep again with her mouth slightly open.

Her soft, messy hair

Tangles into a halo above her,

As she sleeps, so serene

So solidly human-

My daughter.

She is alive-

I spun her,

Out of faintly glimmering

Gold and bronze ethereal sand.

She is laughing,

Every movement magnified

Into something celestial, yet entirely real.

***

jananii

When she sleeps,

She lets her face sag into its natural craggy beauty.

Her arms around me slacken slowly,

Her tight, protecting embrace lessens,

And thuds abruptly into exhaustion.

Photographs never do her justice

They never capture her loud belly laugh

That she find so easily from the depth of her being,

Her crinkly smile when I say something silly,

Or her eyes when she is sad.

Her hand slackens its grip on mine

Her bulky form

Made an eerie, shapeless ghost by her sheet,

Shifts gently

As I wonder,

Whether she knows how much I love her.

Christmas Lights

my tree grew taller this year
and the string of lights
wasn't long enough to go around.
the gentle yellow glow
finished halfway through the tree
so the bottom half of the tree
had more sparkles on it
to make up for the glowing top half
the prettiest decorations went on the bottom
so that the top didnt look too bright
but eventually
the top and bottom
both didn't look quite right.
sometimes,
people are small on the inside
tiny little white eggshells
waiting for someone to shatter them.
sometimes, their hearts can stretch to fit anything,
almost anything.
i'm sorry.

Star

she stared out into the sunlight
with a question in her eyes
a question,
that was drowning the sun
in its complexities.
what Was?
Was
was sunshine and happiness
and comfort and love
what Became?
Became
was confusion
regret
pain
what Is?
Is
is something
the sun couldnt tell her
she had to wait
till the sun set
and the shooting stars
she once wished on
showed her
what magic could be.
she waited and waited
for the stars to fall
a beautiful nucleus of fire
dipping
falling
flashing in an instant
to vanish forever.
Their star fell
they began with a falling star
and ended
like one.

Miracle

she sits in a corner, and folds clothes all day long. mechanically, her hands move, flip over, flatten, fold in, fold in, flatten, fold up, stack into a pile. all day she sits, and folds.
he squats on his haunches and stirs. all day long, he moves the ladle in a circle, stopping occasionally, to taste, and then empty the big vat into smaller containers, fill it up again, and stir and stir. all day long he sits and stirs, until his three vats are emptied and sold, and the sun has set, and he has pocketed his handful of grubby notes, and starts to pack up and head home.
they sit. and stare into the gloom. they sip the tea he has brought home in a steel urn, slightly stale, from the worst batch of the day. she stretches her arms, stiff from repeating the same motion over and over, and then washes the dishes. she squats and washes, rinses, turns the tap off, wipes, and then gets up and stretches. He gets up, and sits on the charpoy, and she squats beside him and presses his feet. they sit and wait. wait for the stars to flash a miracle into the sky. wait for the moon to open up, and reveal the glowing gleaming heaven that she has hidden under her dome for so long. they wait. and then they lie down, turn over, and go to sleep. they breathe, in and then out, all night long. and heaven syncs herself to their breathing, pulses rhythmically and mournfully, and resigns herself to the fact that humans will spend their time waiting and wishing and folding and stirring, and miracles one day, will become ordinary too.

Friday, December 25, 2009

You.

you light up my sky
with golden fireworks,
and blazing stars
and an opalescent, pulsing, neon moon.
wish on an airplane
if you can't find a star
because you know
whatever you wish
will always come true
my beautiful golden sparkle
fizzling around my heart
i love you.


wilted leaves
yellowing
burnt at the edges
curling up slowly
with noone to watch them
bright magenta zerbras
still perfect
slip dejectedly
into
garish oblivion
sidelined
for more artistic bouquets.

Poison

poison
exhausting poison seeping through me
fatiguing me
breaking me
word by word
syllable by syllable
you'll destroy me one day
break me to pieces
shatter me
hurt me
rip me apart
inch by inch
dissect me
one cell at a time
thats what you want
and i'm tied to a chair
watching
as you ruin me
ruin everything.

Monday, December 21, 2009

hm..

if nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.
if things didnt move and turn and tick, nothing beautiful would exist. perfection, in an instant, exists only because of all the whirring and whisking and churning. like cake batter. the fluffiest cakes are whisked the longest.
but sometimes, brownies taste better.
is there really a divine cycle to life? does what goes around really come around? is everything weighed and measured and balanced, so that everything you do is, payment, for something else?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

laughing together
our heads bending closer
smiling at each other through a tangle of messy hair
feeling you breathing
snuggle into my shoulder
holding me
loving me, through everything you do.

embers

glowing dangerously
orange-grey lumps of fire
pulsing
flickers amongst the rocks
translucent breaths of orange and yellow.
living
in a city of coals
everything i touch scalding me
tempting me closer
sinking into a stupor
of burning oblivion.

Friday, December 11, 2009

sleepy voiced smile
surprised eyes
tigger laugh
i love you.

Heartbeat

heartbeat
life-breath
smile into my heart
close your eyes
open your heart
lie there in silence
forever.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Starlet

smile
my
little startlet
rainbow bubble
baby toes.
one day
you'll smile again
and the world will be round
and kangaroos
will hop across your dreams.
flickers of giggles
pass by your eyes
to drown in newfound sorrow.
don't cry,
please dont cry,
the world will fix itself by tomorrow.
and your little joys,
and small smiles,
they'll be back in the blink of an eye
and firefly breaths of contentment
will wash over you
to make you sigh,
and fall asleep with your eyes closed.
you'll find your dragonfly soon
you'll fly away on it
to laugh
and to bubble and burst
it's alright to climb on alone,
starlet
moonbeam,
you'll be alright.